Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
