you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
