theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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