So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Enjoy the penises
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
