Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
