I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
