Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
