I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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