All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
