How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
