I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I want her autograph on my taint
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
