: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
