Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
