I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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