oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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