bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
