Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
