and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
