You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
