I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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