if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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