did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
