In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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