we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
