we're chasing vodka with high fives
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
