I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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