ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
