I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
