.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
