Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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