I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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