she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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