Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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