He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
