she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize