Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
