So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
