I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
