i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
