Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
