i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
