just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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