It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
