look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
