Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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