there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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