Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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