You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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