She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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