and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
