At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
