filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We need a shit load of segways right now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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