So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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