Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
