rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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