Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
