At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
There's even glitter on my cock...
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