sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
