you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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