he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
