im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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