The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
