Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
