She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
