Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
