It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
