Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
