Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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