It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
