All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
