The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
