love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
