My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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