Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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