so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
